SLEEP DEPRIVATION IN MOTHERHOOD: CAN YOU EVER CATCH UP ON LOST SLEEP?
By Nicole Fuge
If there’s one thing we hear on repeat as new mothers, it’s this: “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
But what if the baby never really sleeps? Or only sleeps on you? Or wakes every 45 minutes? And what if, by the time you finally lie down, your mind won’t let you rest?
Welcome to the very real, very relentless world of sleep deprivation in motherhood.
Why maternal sleep loss hits differently
Sleep deprivation in motherhood isn’t just a few late nights or a one-off bad week. For many women, it’s months (and if you’re like me; it’s years) of broken, fragmented, low-quality sleep, with no consistent recovery window in sight.
And here’s the kicker: unlike other forms of sleep loss, you can’t schedule in a weekend sleep-in, a nap on demand, or even a regular bedtime. Because sleep now revolves around your child’s needs—not your own.
Even though it’s common, it’s not something we should dismiss. The impacts are real. And profound.
The effects of sleep deprivation on your brain, body and mental health
When you're not sleeping, everything feels harder. Concentrating becomes a chore. Words blur together. Emotional resilience vanishes. Small tasks can feel insurmountable. And in the depths of it, you can start to question your sense of self.
Sleep deprivation has been linked to:
Heightened risk of postnatal depression and anxiety
Increased irritability, low mood, and emotional sensitivity
Impaired memory, focus and decision-making
Weakened immune system
Changes in appetite and metabolism
And while some of this might sound clinical, it shows up in very real ways, snapping at your partner, crying in the pantry, feeling disconnected from your baby, or simply walking through your days in a fog.
The myth of “sleeping through the night”
One of the hardest parts for many mums is the expectation that babies should be sleeping through the night by a certain age. Six weeks. Three months. Six months. The goalposts shift, but the pressure remains.
In reality? Night waking is biologically normal well into toddlerhood and beyond.
Yes, some babies start sleeping long stretches early, but many don’t. And when we’re led to believe that broken sleep past six months is a problem that needs fixing, it can leave us feeling like we’ve failed. Or worse, like there’s something wrong with our beautiful baby.
This expectation isn’t just unhelpful, it’s harmful. It makes us feel like we shouldn’t be tired anymore, even when we’re surviving on four hours of interrupted sleep and still feeding through the night.
Can you actually “catch up” on sleep?
It’s tempting to believe you can repay your sleep debt once your baby starts sleeping longer. And while it’s true that your body will crave deeper, longer rest when it gets the chance, you can’t completely undo the mental and physical toll of long-term sleep deprivation with a few extra hours on the weekend.
Research shows that short-term recovery sleep can help with alertness and mood, but chronic sleep loss impacts hormones, memory, mood regulation and overall wellbeing in ways that can take weeks (or longer) to rebalance.
What helps when you can’t get more sleep
If you’re in the thick of it—where sleep is scarce and survival mode is real—here are some things that can support you while you ride the wave:
Lower the bar. Your only job is to get through the day. Productivity can wait.
Rest without guilt. Even if you can’t sleep, lying down or doing nothing is still restorative.
Ask for help. Tag out with a partner, friend or family member when you can. Sleep is not a luxury, it’s a must.
Eat regularly. Blood sugar crashes make fatigue worse. Keep snacks within arm’s reach.
Speak to someone. Sleep deprivation can mimic depression, if you're feeling low, foggy or detached, talk to your GP, maternal health nurse or psychologist.
Let go of the pressure to “fix” sleep. Your baby’s night waking is not a reflection of your parenting.
A season—not a sentence
This stage can feel endless—especially when 2am no longer feels like the middle of the night and more like only a few hours until daylight. But it won’t be forever. Your child will eventually sleep better. And you will, too.
In the meantime, what you need most isn’t advice or sleep strategies or well-meaning platitudes. It’s support, grace, and permission, to rest where you can, to not be okay all the time, and to put your own needs back on the list.
Because you’re not failing. You’re just tired. Really, really tired.
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ISSUE 04