PMS REFRAMED: TRANSFORM THE HARDEST WEEK OF YOUR CYCLE INTO CALM AND CLARITY
By Natalie Meree
I know that the week before you bleed can be hard. It may be a time in your cycle that you dread, that you have to make excuses for and when you feel your worst.
We have been told that all these feelings are just PMS.
We have been taught to explain away how we feel and what we say during this time.
We have been taught to apologise for ourselves.
But what if the label of PMS is just there to diminish the truths we are speaking? PMS is the gift that your body gives to you every menstrual cycle so you can see the things in your life that no longer serve you.
The things that are the hardest during this time are the things in your life that you may need to look behind.
The noise.
The lack of space for yourself.
The feeling of not being heard.
All the things that drive you nuts during your inner autumn are guideposts to what in your life you need to harvest or work on.
Now I get it, that’s a lot. But imagine if you sat with one small thing every cycle, worked through ‘the why’ behind the anger, the frustration and the resentment, and released it with your bleed and made changes to clear it or build on it in your life. That would be 12 things a year that you eliminate or change in your life that made you feel unheard or unseen.
This is all easy to say but harder when you are in it. I understand. So this is how I shifted from the week before I bleed being hard, to it being a time of contemplation, feeling honoured and being calm.
I plan ahead
I know when the hard days of my menstrual cycle are and I plan to have as much time to myself as possible during these days.
I reschedule or delegate the things that aren’t absolutely essential in this time so my days are filled with doing only what absolutely needs doing.
I communicate my needs
I know what my needs are through understanding the Unique Rhythm of my menstrual cycle. Knowing my needs allows me to communicate those with my family and community ahead of time, and in a really specific way.
“I need you to cook dinner on Tuesday and Wednesday night.”
“Can you drop my kids home from school on Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon?”
When you move through this time in your next cycle, make a note every day of what it is that could have helped you through the day, and bring that in.
I hold my boundaries strong
Nurturing guilt rears up during this time. And it is so easy to default into the mode of putting your needs last. But that is where PMS loves to live.
I practise every cycle to keep my boundaries strong. To allow others to honour what I have asked of them. And to gift myself the space that I need to just be before I bleed.
While I acknowledge how hard this is, I also know that you will feel immediate benefits from holding a boundary and having it respected, especially at this time in your cycle.
I slow down
Often when we are in the throes of PMS anger, resentment and frustration, we push harder and move into the frenzied state.
Have you ever felt like everything is on your shoulders and that you don’t have any help in the home? Only to then turn around and decide to wash the walls or rearrange the furniture. Or when someone tries to help, they aren’t doing it right so you may as well just do it yourself?
You aren’t alone.
What I have learnt is that if I have these feelings, instead of moving faster, I move slower.
I pull myself out. I say I need space.
I go for a walk. I sit outside. I have a cup of tea.
I ask myself, ‘What am I trying to get people to see?’ And the answer to that is what those around you need to hear. From there you can make changes.
Work with one menstrual cycle at a time. Discover what you need to bring ease and joy into this time. Ask that of the people who love you. And allow yourself to be honoured.
PMS can’t live in a space of ease and joy.
PMS hates when you set up your life to be honoured and held.
PMS won’t survive in the body of a woman who knows what she needs and asks for it.
THE WOMAN BEHIND THE WORDS
Natalie Meree is the founder of Untamed Me, a passionate advocate for women's cycle awareness. Through her journey, she empowers women to connect with their unique rhythms and embrace their inner strength. Connect with her @untamedme_.
MUSE PAPER
ISSUE 07